I had a mammogram on January 28. Then, I received a call to go back for another check, the radiologist thought something looked suspicious. That call made me cry as I feared the worst. I stayed in bed all day. I was so scared! My first thought - I can't do this again. Josh was driving so I didn't call him, my first call was to my mother. Even though we don't always agree, I consider her one of my closest friends. I count my blessings as I know that not everyone is as fortunate as I am to have such a terrific mother. When Josh got home, I told him while crying in his arms. Unfortunately, given our bad luck in the past few years, his mind imagined only bad things as well.
I went back on February 3rd for another mammogram and unfortunately the radiologist was correct. There was a small growth in my left breast so I was asked to come back for a biopsy. An appointment was made for February 9th. I got in the car, looked at Josh and started crying. A lot of times, biopsies end up being nothing - either calcium build up or a cyst. But based on our luck the past few years, I feared the worst. My mind went to a dark, scary place - a place my mind never went to in the past.
When we got home, we told the kids that I had a biopsy scheduled for the 9th. They were upset and nervous too. Iliana said, "I am not going to get too worried, until there is something to get upset about." I used to be like that but my past experiences haven't led my thinking that way. I was always the biggest optimist believing everything would be okay. Unfortunately, I don't think that way anymore.
Josh drove me to my biopsy on Tuesday, the 9th; it was at Fairfax Radiology in Lansdowne. I was very scared, fearing the unknown and anticipating the worst. It is scary to think that you are willingly allowing a doctor to do a procedure to hopefully alleviate awful thoughts but who knows how your body will respond. Will the procedure be painful, will I needed to be waited on (that might not be so bad:), or how much pain will I be in after the procedure? These thoughts along with potential fearful results caused my mind a lot of trepidation.
At the center, I said goodbye to Josh and went in the back to a changing room. I took off my jacket and sweatshirt and put on a hospital gown. I was led to a consultation room where a very nice tech explained what was going to happen. Even if I was told by Dwayne Johnson in a room full of puppies (I love him and puppies), I would still quiver with fear. I was scared of the unknown, terrified of the procedure today and worried about the results. I wanted to run away, being an adult can really stink! However, when the tech took me to the room that the biopsy was in, I did what I was told with a stiff upper lip. I wanted to be strong for my kids and prove to myself that I could do anything. The radiologist came in and did an ultrasound on my breast so she would know exactly where she needed to perform the biopsy. She was awesome as the procedure didn't hurt and was quick. She injected some numbing liquid into my breast and then pulled some tissue from the growth that had to be examined. The worst part for me in the procedure was when she took tissue and only because when she did that, a sound like a gun going off was heard. I was warned every time it occurred but even though I was anticipating it, I still jumped. The after care was also pretty minimal. I was told not to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk for a week. No big deal I thought, but because you really don't feel bad, you forget that you have to be careful. I am fortunate enough to have family who remind me of it.
The worst part of the whole scenario was the worry I felt. The anticipation that something awful could come out of this. The first time I was told I had cancer I was in disbelief as how could I have cancer if Iliana had it. However I didn't have time to even consider the ins and outs of it as it just happened. This time, between the phone call asking me to come in again and until I heard the results of the biopsy were 12 long, arduous days. I carried on as we all did, but I was terrified. I got the phone call from Fairfax Radiology this morning, all is good. My scary nightmare is over and thankfully, for now my cancer journey will not start up again.
Comments